not sure if i mentioned this before but i LOVE my therapist.
not sure if i even mentioned that i went to therapy. but it has changed my life. one year ago i wouldn't have mentioned that i went there weekly. one year ago i would have told you i thought you were crazy to suggest that i needed therapy.
i was fine.
but no. no one is fine. everyone has problems they could talk about. everyone has issues that they need guidance on. everyone. and that was the hardest realization i could ever had.
the reality is that i cancelled my appointed four times. i called 6 people, listened to their voice on their voicemail and decided THIS is not the one for me. i scheduled two appointments and cancelled the day before. with two different people. and then i finally found someone that i felt i could talk to and i cancelled twice. BUT then i went. i went like a scared little shit. it was singlehandedly the hardest thing i have ever done.
"what do you want to talk about?"
if that isn't cliche then i don't know what is.
what was my answer?
"so tell me about yourself"
apparently that isn't how therapy works. so they say.
it isn't easy. it takes time. and there will be times when you would rather be any place but there. and sometimes you will be. you'll cancel and go to the bar with your friends because it is easier than dealing with your "i'm fine" issues. everyone does it.
but it will change your life. it will change your outlook on your problems. and it will change YOU.
one year ago i was fine. one year ago i was content.
today i am changing. i am working to be the person i want to be. it has NOT been easy. it has caused many heartaches. i even got a nose bleed from crying so hard once. BUT it was the best cry i ever had. ever. and she didn't judge me. she just listened.
AND the best part about all of this...
i walked in on day one and saw my sister. the sister i lost so long ago. my therapist exudes her spirit. her looks. her compassion. her love. at first it was eerie. but now...i go to therapy to see my sister.
Labels: jennifer, therapy