pee my pants scared.

as promised from yesterday.

my sky diving experience. and because we are friends i can be honest with you. i almost peed my pants.

this is how it all went down. [slightly exaggerated for blogging effect]

back story about me: i am usually not really scared of anything. and if i am, i sure as hell try not to show it. especially around a bunch of guys.

so we are in the car driving out to my death the location and my palms start sweating. totally normal. winding roads. shinning sun. feeling queasy.

we arrived. it was beautiful. people were smiling. laughing. having a jolly time. all while wearing ass hugging, crotch squeezing harnesses.

however, my face is white. not smiling. wide eyes. like i just saw a black cat on halloween.

i walk into the office to sign my life away the release form. which basically says, no matter what happens [death, broken leg, lost diamonds] they are not liable for a law suit. 'if you try to sue us, you probably will not win' initial here

that didn't make me feel any better.

lady up front, with way too much energy, tells me to wait outside and they will call me for training.

waiting. waiting. waiting.

training consisted of 2 minutes of 'when you jump out push your hips forwards and keep your legs bent'

um excuse me? that is ALL you are going to tell me before i jump out of a freaking plane? 

MORE frightened.

time for the harness. at this point i didn't care if my ass looked big or my pants scrunched up in that awkward crotch spot. i just wanted to get in the air and jump. let's do this.

walking to the plane i seriously felt like i was in a movie. walking across a field to a small prop plane. thinking we are going into war. serious.

my friend and his buddies get in last since they were jumping SOLO. i was second to last. i drew you a picture of what the inside looked like and where i was sitting.

so i was thinking they would shut this so called OPEN DOOR when we got in. WRONG. ok, maybe when we take off. WRONG. ok...maybe in the air? finally they shut it at around 1000 feet. thank god. tandem partner tells me i can take my seat belt off. ok. does that mean i am going to get attached to you since i don't have a parachute attached to me?! so she takes this ONE dinky little strap and clips it to her. and says: 

"don't jump out"

door opens.


my friend is sitting right in front of me just looking at me and asking if i am ok. i wasn't. of course i lied. 

THEN the plane turns a little to the left. if you see from the picture, turning to the left means that bottom wing  turns down and i am closer to falling out of the plane. with no chute. 

i am freaking out. 

finally we get to 13,000 feet. tandem partner tells me to sit on her lap so she can strap me in. awkward to say the least. 

friends jump out. three man formation. pretty awesome.

then she tells me to stand up. i'm ready to practice what i learned from 'training'

i stand.


no warning. no '1...2...3'. no 'are you ready?' NOTHING

good thing i didn't have to pee at that time or else people below would have thought the rain started.

luckily the plane ride up was the worse part. jumping wasn't bad. nor was the fall. i never had the thought of chute failure. just kind of seemed normal. 

so let this be a lesson to you. 

don't act all scardy cat when you are about to go sky diving and they leave the door open. just don't jump/fall out of the MOVING airplane and you will be fine. 

i hope you enjoyed my dramatic recap. 

i will save the zoo for tomorrow. i am exhausted just thinking about that jump again. 

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